I made the jump to Bluesky sometime ago, but only recently have I suddenly noticed a surge in interactions. Almost universally good as well, a delightful change from some festering online hellholes I could mention.

Almost universally good. One casually insensitive commentator left a snide remark that really stuck with me, because I feel it strikes at some foundational concepts of goth – this strange subculture I’ve found myself enmeshed with for decades…

It’s a buffet of absolute nonsense – that anyone over 35 is obligated to abandon their distinct style, like there’s some kind of Logan’s Run for your wardrobe. That anyone, man or woman, is “punished” by being described as looking like a woman over thirty five. A woman over thirty five who loves cats. A childless cat lady. Yes, the full assortment of misogynist-rooted epithets for all to enjoy.

We can disregard any scorn for cat-loving women who choose against reproduction, as a crude weapon in the arsenals of the opportunistic knuckle-draggers. What I can, and want to speak to, is this concept of punishing those who dare to age – particularly in the goth scene. A scene that has, since existence, actually tried really hard to venerate its veterans. Maybe a bit too much sometimes!

Because contrary to the fervent wishes of nice, unobjectionable parents, goth isn’t at all a phase you need to grow out of. I recently posted a flyer celebrating the anniversary of the York Rock Festival, held on 22 September 1984. The lineup was intense! What was specially intriguing was the amount of people gleefully commenting underneath about attending, forty years ago.

Some of them may have slipped gently into a less demanding and more compliant lifestyle and appearance, but others still celebrate the subculture, wear its (lack of) colours, and head out to goth gigs. Hell, the bands from the York Rock Festival are still going – many thanks to Echo and the Bunnymen’s social media people for dropping by to reminisce! This is my point though – the bands are still going, so are the fans. There’s no need to abandon any part of your youth just because you crossed some arbitrary line set by some anonymous social media troll (this cuts both ways by the way, and means you don’t have to take me seriously either!)

If I may loop back to my initial point, one of the most appealing aspects of goth is its tendency – indeed, its overt willingness – to celebrate women as they age, in direct opposition to the muted hostility from mainstream culture that actively seeks to punish women for daring to mature. This isn’t universal of course, there’s no monolithic ‘goth’ standard, but my experience – and the lesson I pass on to you, dear reader – is to treat the Elder Goths with respect.

I was delighted to help a journalist from The Guardian make contact with four friends some years back, all of whom continue to inhabit goth happily and successfully beyond their youth – sorry, friends! I look up to and admire my friends for their longstanding commitment to this scene and sound that means so much to me – it inspires and reassures me in equal measure, that there will be a place for me as a fan of goth music and culture, no matter my age.

I have a lot of time for The Guardian, who also published an article further back in 2011, letting the esteemed Dr Paul Hodkinson revisit some goths he’d interviewed even further back in the 1990s, and discovered to everyone’s delight they were still following their own dark path through the subculture. It really can’t be a phase when goths themselves are becoming parents!

Sticking with the academics, there’s the tireless work by Professor Catherine Spooner, who penned an article also discussing the concept of “goth mums”, and drew on the earlier studies by Dr Hodkinson, and or Professor Claire Nally who reminds us that “goth is still visible, both through those young people in the 1980s and 1990s who have since grown up and remained true to the subculture, but also in the younger generations today who find something revolutionary and compelling about the music and clothing of goth.”

Of the many, many supportive comments I read online, I proffer a few that really brightened (or darkened?) my perspective!

• Dan Dvorkin commented “I’m 56, and I started listening to goth music in high school. Tinderbox was my gateway drug. It took me a while longer to really get into the subculture, but by my early 20s I looked and felt the part. These days I have as much blue and green in my wardrobe as black, and don’t get to the club nearly as often as I’d like, but my playlist is still straight outta Gloom County. If someone has a problem with my clothes, my music, or the company I keep … well, that’s their problem, not mine. ”
• Zaga di Gala said curtly, “I’m 44. I started at 15. Not a phase.”
• Gene Trosper was philosophical about ageing, averring “I’ll be 60 in a couple of months. Not looking forward to it, but that’s the path of life we are all on. Been involved since I discovered Bauhaus in the movie The Hunger when it was first released.”
• One particular, regular commentator on my social media presence is the wonderful Gisele Baxter who shared her motto at 67 – “all black clothes and eyeliner, all ages, all genders”.

And finally, I was particularly touched by the experience of Amber Hallacy, a member of the vibrant Facebook group Goth After 30, 40, 50 & Beyond! (Elder Goths). She replied to my initial post, and I reprint her words here without edit;

“I’ve been in the Goth subculture since it was part of the Punk scene of the 70s. I was always the creepy kid that liked dead things.

As the musical genre grew, that was what I listened to back in the 80s and 90s. Throughout my 30s, 40s, and beyond, I’ve always considered myself that “older Goth lady who’s a little witchy, a little vampiric, and just a whole lot of strange. I dress in dark colors, mainly in historically inspired clothing, drove a hearse as my daily driver, taught my kids to think for themselves and not to worry what other people thought.

I’m 63 now. I guess you could look at me as an Elder Romanti-Goth. A woman aging in black velvet, satin, and lace.“

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Amber. It’s the perfect antidote to tired, lazy, recycled misogyny online. It is the inspiration and hope for a new generation of babybats freshly getting into goth. It is the longevity of passion for this so-called ‘youth’ subculture that has allowed it to persist since it began many decades ago, and even evolve into a whole community no longer dependant on being the ‘in’ thing, but instead be constantly rewarding to all who partake, regardless of their age.

Long may it continue.

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